#it's always the people who profess maturity that act like toddlers

[ticklepinions]

Just wanted to say that being able to see past someone's views and ideologies (which is usually a euphemism for bigotry, hate and ultimately harmful to the marginalized), is not the flex you think it is. It's not mature, it comes from a place of sheer privilege and is actually pretty ignorant.

To be able to ignore ones hateful views is to be able to say this doesn't impact me so why should I care.

And I'm tired of trying to educate people while being gaslit to believe I'm wrong for wanting my circle to have views that, idk won't cause harm to people that are oppressed??? Apparently that doesn't make me a free thinker, aw shucks.

And it's funny that most, if not all, people who say they can "look past" different view points tend to be cishet white people.

If someone calls you a racist, homophobe, transphobe, fatphobic, ageist, misogynist, bigot, etc. Maybe your first response should be listening. Maybe it shouldn't be rushing to defend yourself because you think someone is overreacting or you can't see the harm you've caused (no shit sherlock you're not the one being impacted). Like seriously... We have grown adults pretending to hold this "maturity" when it couldn't be further from the truth.

I'd love to say anything the tickle community should be inclusive. But it shouldn't. Some people just don't belong here. And that includes anyone who supports this narrative of being able to "look past" things and those who actively promote hate and ignorance.

I mean you can choose to be friends with these people, that's your prerogative. But to go as far as calling those who have less of a tolerance for those types of people, immature and close minded, is going too far.

If I had a non-black friend saying the n-word all the time, I would drop the friendship; others might try to educate them. There's some naunce of course but to continue to be friends with that person is a privileged position to be in.

Let's go back to when differing views were more about if pineapple should belong on pizza rather than should oppressed people have rights good fuck

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

On Family

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published

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One question that I see asked in the news a lot is why there are still any ghouls left. We have a distinctive, high-impact feeding habit that requires us to stay within human society, where we are both outnumbered and outgunned. This has essentially been the case since the development of automatic firearms, and you’ve continued to develop more and more effective methods of killing us since then. How are we not extinct?

The talking heads always have lurid theories to propose. My personal favorite one, which comes up every couple of years or so, is that the government is secretly breeding us so that they have an excuse to send secret police out into the general populace for nefarious purposes pretending to be exterminators. As if they’d need the excuse {Editing Note: I’ve gotta keep my political views out of this except where they directly pertain to ghouls. No unnecessarily alienating people}. The most commonly accepted one seems to be that we just have a lot of children to compensate for our high mortality rate. Spatha calls that an R strategy, I think. Scarlet calls it the Rabbit Theory. Whatever you call it, it’s wrong. Our species has survived off the strength and compassion of our families.

Contrary to popular impressions, our “nuclear” families are pretty small. My understanding is that 1-4 children is the typical range. I’m the only confirmed only child in my friend group. Scarlet’s the youngest of three, Scorpio’s a middle child, Spatha avoids talking about her home life, and Kestrel doesn’t know her biological parents. There’s a couple of pressures that keep our family sizes small. First, it’s challenging to feed too many ghouls at once, especially ghoul children, who we don’t want worrying about where they’re going to get their meals. Second, the majority of ghoul parents are going to end up as single parents before their kids are fully grown. Either one of them is going to get killed, or they’re going to have to separate to go on the run from the exterminators; and, of course, we do still break up and get divorced sometimes.

These pressures are exaggerated by our general lack of an extended family. It’s not that all of our aunts and uncles get hunted down - even if they did, we’d still have cousins - but it’s not safe for us to have traceable extended families. When exterminators identify a ghoul, the first thing they do is put out a bulletin for all known blood relatives. The most common tactic to avoid this is, when multiple siblings make it to adulthood, at least one of them changes their identity and moves away. This isn’t always done, but it’s done often enough that document forging is a widespread and well-respected profession in the Society. It’s useful for dodging exterminators in other circumstances too. My mom and I changed our names and moved cities after exterminators killed my dad when I was 4.

Between that and the sheer number of out-and-out orphans in our Society, it should come as no surprise that we’ve developed a new family structure to fill in the gaps. The terminology we use for this structure is variable, but the term I’ve always used is “household”. A household is a sort of adopted extended family, typically formed by and centered around one particularly resourceful ghoul called a patron. The patron takes whichever ghouls they choose under their wing, introduces them to each other, and helps them coordinate their talents and resources so that they all have everything they need. Most obviously, this means making sure they all have a supply of flesh, but there are numerous other kinds of support a household can provide. I doubt I need to emphasize again how valuable a reliable source of companionship and safety is, but patrons typically have access to connections and contacts that can help the other members of the household accomplish their goals.

My household, for example, was founded by our patron Yaga. It consists of her, her adopted daughter Kestrel, my mom and I, my friends Scarlet and Scorpio and their immediate families, and four other older ghouls. There’s also Spatha, who has been reluctant to fully join the household but acts like a member in most contexts. Three of our members have reliable flesh sources, and Yaga coordinates with other ghouls to find supplementary sources to ensure that she always has a surplus on hand. This keeps all of us well-fed and lets her distribute the rest to those in need in exchange for favors and cachet that the rest of us can use for our own advancement. In turn, the rest of us pitch in for odd jobs here and there, mostly on flesh-gathering jobs of one kind or another, and we look out for each other. I’ve done a bit of babysitting with Kestrel, for example, and Yaga was able to get me and Scarlet summer jobs to save up for college.

Babysitting, by the way, is one of the most valuable services a household can provide to a ghoul parent. Given our mortality rate, it probably isn’t a surprise that there’s a good bit of cultural pressure to have children, and have them quick. Ghoul children are… a lot. When we’re newborn, we’re pretty much like human babies. Ghoul babies can nurse from ghoul mothers for awhile, which is a relief. They need to switch to flesh before their teeth come in, though, so that means flesh slurry, which is more complicated to make than you might think. For best results, you want a mix of blood, muscle tissue, organ tissue, and bone, especially marrow. We get better at pulling all our nutrients from just flesh as we mature, but babies aren’t as developed. Getting those varied tissues is a little more complicated than just getting flesh. Bone especially is challenging - more mature ghouls have no need for it, and it’s honestly kinda gross. You just have to hope that whoever you’re getting flesh from can start holding some bones for you. Not every source has easy access to bones. 

{Editing Note: I think I wrote bone too many times - it looks fake now. Bone. Bone.}

We get our ghoul teeth at the same time as our baby teeth. Our ghoul teeth fall out and are replaced too, but we keep growing new ones our whole lives, kinda like sharks. Funnily enough, I don’t think we grow extra human teeth, which seems like a strange way for evolution to take us, but what do I know, I’m not a biologist. At that point we can start eating regular flesh, and parents have the unenviable task of explaining to toddlers that they can’t just slide their teeth out whenever they want. Our other features come in a bit later - claws between 4 and 6, eyes with puberty. Let me tell you, the claws hurt coming in. I couldn’t hold a pencil for a month. My mom told the elementary school that I was deathly sick so she could keep me home, but I think Scarlet just pretended he’d broken both his hands and went in splints. I don’t envy him - stretching my claws did a lot to relieve the pain.

I’ll admit freely that, by our standards, I had a pretty charmed childhood. I fit into human society pretty easily, I had a mom who loved me and could provide for me, a patron and household to help pick up the slack, and ghoul friends my own age. I had the discipline to keep my true nature hidden from my human peers, and I don’t think I was even particularly traumatized by the pressure of performing humanity that much. I can safely attribute that to the fact that I had safe spaces throughout my life to let the charade drop. Most ghouls at least have that. Most, but not all.

Our integration into human society also means that we inevitably become entangled in human society. We become invested in the lives of our human peers, we befriend them, care about them. Sometimes we fall in love with them. Eating people seems like kind of a big secret to keep from a potential romantic partner - I certainly couldn’t manage it - but some ghouls form romantic relationships with humans nonetheless. Maybe some of these human partners eventually discover the truth and are willing to overlook it for the person they love, but I doubt it happens often. I’ve certainly never heard of it. I’ve heard of it going the other way, though, a human partner discovering the truth and reacting poorly. Someone always dies when that happens. I personally know a few ghouls who’ve dated humans, or are seriously involved with them. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I get that the heart wants what it wants, but some wants aren’t worth the risk.

{Editing Note: That last line feels… tense. Emotionally charged. Why? And should I change it?}

In my opinion, the gravest of these risks is what happens when a human and a ghoul decide they want to build a life together, but kids are already in the equation. The human-ghoul mixed family is probably the most toxic environment that a ghoul child could be raised in and conceivably survive. All that pressure of hiding your true nature from your peers as you grow up? That feeling of isolation that follows you everywhere you go among humans? All of the most crushing emotional turmoil I’ve described in this book so far? Imagine if there was no relief for that even at home with your family. I frankly have no idea how ghoul parents manage to feed themselves and their children without being caught, or how they manage to perform humanity so flawlessly and constantly that their literal immediate family never catches on. I don’t know how those children manage to survive to adulthood, but I imagine they have some seriously fucked up mental health problems by the time they do. Factor in the suspicion that they would inevitably face from our Society when they finally are able to join it properly - after all, who more likely to become a Judas or be Lost than a ghoul raised by humans? - and I’d be willing to bet most of them don’t make it out of their twenties.

Before we move on entirely from families in general and mixed families in particular, I’d like to take a quick aside to talk about “half-ghouls”. You hear about them in horror media fairly often, the biological child of a human and a ghoul. Authors love to ascribe all sorts of traits to these hypothetical creatures - greater and more monstrous than the sum of their parts, supernaturally strong and vicious, impossible to detect within human society, sometimes with traits that are blatantly impossible, like telepathy or mind control or just plain magic. All of that is obviously untrue, but it’s something of a point of contention as to whether or not a “half-ghoul” is even possible. None of the ghouls I’ve talked to seem to agree about whether it can happen, and a search of human medical literature was similarly inconclusive. Humans, at least, seem to think that it might be theoretically possible, but have never been able to verify it by observation or by medical experiment. Of the ghouls I know that have been romantically involved with humans, none of them have ever gotten a kid out of it. It’s one of those things where we just don’t know. If it were possible, I’m not even sure what the implications would be.

[theunderdogwrites]

In Defense of Marilyn Manson

Just kidding.

This is another one of those ‘if you live under a rock, you might not know what is going on’ pieces. But because this story appears to be unfolding daily, I’d think you’ve heard a murmur here or there even if you haven’t really paid too much attention to it because for many, I think this may fall into the “that guy has been a messed-up weirdo for years so I’m not surprised” category.

Please note that in NO WAY I am making fun of this situation, but I learned a long time ago that I require a certain amount of humor to be able to digest much of what this world presents to me.

As always, let me give you the Coles Notes version with the hopes you will go and do your own reading as well.

On February 1 actress Evan Rachel Wood posted this on her Instagram:

"The name of my abuser is Brian Warner, also known to the world as Marilyn Manson. He started grooming me when I was a teenager and horrifically abused me for years. I was brainwashed and manipulated into submission. I am done living in fear of retaliation, slander or blackmail. I am here to expose this dangerous man and call out the many industries that have enabled him, before he ruins any more lives. I stand with the many victims who will no longer be silent."

Quick history lesson – They started dating in 2007 when she was 18 and he was 34 and were engaged for a brief time in 2010.

This was Manson’s response to what she wrote:

"Obviously, my art and my life have long been magnets for controversy, but these recent claims about me are horrible distortions of reality. My intimate relationships have always been entirely consensual with like-minded partners. Regardless of how - and why - others are now choosing to misrepresent the past, that is the truth."

Since the original statement on February 1 a number of women have come forward with stories of their own ranging from physical and emotional abuse to human trafficking. And everyday something new is revealed. Evan Rachel Woods is feverishly posting on her Insta-Story and is slowly burying Manson in an ocean of consequences. She isn’t “fired up” or “a woman scorned”, she is a victim rising above the shame she has felt and the fear of what others will say about her to tell her story and encourage others to do the same. She is the voice that started the ball rolling. The ball that is about to crush Marilyn Manson.

Whenever I write stuff that is currently being heavily featured in the media, I always dive into articles so I can get as much information as possible. But more importantly, I plunge my sensitive little soul into the murky depths known as “the comments section”. I do this because unlike those polished, finished pieces the comments section will give you a better idea of what your fellow human beings think and feel about the topic at hand. And it is never polished or even polite. And often not for the faint at heart. In case you didn’t already know – people can be quite terrible.

The comments section is the modern-day gladiator pit. Only most (not all) of the participants are not ripped, athletic warriors but rather drooling basement dwellers with one hand down their pants (not gender specific by the way) and the other hand maltreating the letters on their keyboard.

Side note: Look, I am not the grammar police as I often just push past all the warnings from the Gestapo editing program in Microsoft Word. BUT I know the value of proper spelling, well placed punctuation and valid attempts to appear smarter than a domesticated turkey by making sure sentences are well-thought out and complete. Raising your argument doesn’t mean USING ALL CAPS AND ABUSING THESE THINGS -> !!!

I just deleted three paragraphs going over the recent “reckoning” that has taken place in the past few years with regards to sexual and physical abuse accusations against (mostly) men in positions of some kind of power. I eliminated all that writing because I started to tumble off topic. I’m not writing about all the dicks now getting their comeuppance, but rather the reactions to it being Marilyn Manson’s turn in the chamber.

Victim shaming is sadly a real thing.

The easiest way I can explain this to you – if a person gets pickpocketed and then blamed because they should’ve known better than to carry their wallet in their back pocket.

Evan Rachel Woods and others have come out to accuse Manson of some pretty appalling acts of abuse and what I’ve found to be the biggest reaction is, “How did they not know he was a bad guy? His music is so graphic and they thought it was all an act? Why did they stay so long?”. As innocent as those questions might seem, and I say that because our brains don’t always serve us or others well, it is a form of discrediting those women. Let’s be honest here… it’s hard to look at Marilyn Manson and his art form and not say, “What the fuck, this guy has bad idea written all over him!”. I feel that is a perfectly reasonable response, but that is where it should end. I think it is fair to pause and attempt to understand the choices of others, but it’s heartless to minimize their experience by placing blame on them for a situation we couldn’t possibly understand if it has never happened to us.

And like I’ve quoted before: People only understand from their level of perception. But that doesn’t stop them from laying on the judgement and damaging already fragile individuals with their inability to show compassion for a fellow human being. Reading through comment sections isn’t just maddening, it’s disappointing and sad but also a real look into how awful many people feel about themselves… to the point where they seem to derive some pleasure or satisfaction from condemning a rape victim for wearing a short skirt and getting drunk.

So… we have to touch on this to be balanced: innocent until proven guilty. Only these days it’s an automatic trial by media with the public acting as judge, jury and executioner. This is where “cancel culture” steps in and within days can destroy an entire career / life. I am not a fan of cancel culture. It does not give people a chance to learn from their mistakes or make amends as it immediately harms their very existence. Often times even before any proof has surfaced. I don’t think I need to tell you how dangerous this is… the fact that just an accusation could ruin your life.

Let me make this clear: if someone comes forward and claims they’ve been sexually assaulted/abused, they need to be taken seriously and not dismissed based upon the circumstances, their gender identity, the color of their skin, their economic position or profession or the person they’re accusing. In turn, the individual being accused should be given time to address the claims before the public begins demolishing their life.

A reoccurring comment in almost all these cases where someone comes forward and alleges abuse YEARS after it happened, is – “Why did they wait so long to come forward?”.

Is this a fair question? Sure. And I feel it is asked because our brain needs to find a way to understand the information we are being given. Because while we’d all like to think that if in the same situation we’d be unfuckable with and anyone who dared to bring damage to our doorstep would immediately suffer the consequences, we actually cannot predict our reaction. There are too many unknown variables to be able to confidently say we’d instantly speak up and seek retribution.

The fear of not being believed. The fear of being blamed. The fear of rejection. The fear of retaliation from the person being accused. The fear of being forever defined by your experience. The fear.

It does not matter the why, what matters is the chance they’ve taken by speaking up at all. Those who come forward should be embraced, not ridiculed. Not abandoned. Not criticized.

“Don’t ask why victims wait so long to speak up. Ask what systems were in place to keep them quiet”. Anonymous

I own a few Marilyn Manson CD’s. And I’ve even attended one of his concerts. Would I say I am a fan? Probably a number of years ago I was but truthfully, I’ve not paid attention to any of his music in recent years because I feel it devolved while my taste evolved. That’s not a slam against him or anyone who fancies his work, it’s more a statement on how I’ve matured and now seek out music that feels authentic to me.

The one concert I attended was opened by Courtney Love. I know, what a duo to pay money to see. Near the end of Manson’s set he made a disparaging remark about Love and trashed her music. At the time he was wearing some pretty hefty platform shoes so it made it all the more hilarious when from out of nowhere she charged like a rhino and tackled him to the stage; throwing punches at his head all the way down. When he finally was able to get up, he announced the show was over. There would be no encore and then him and his bandmates trashed the stage in a temper tantrum worthy of a toddler Napoleon. Still makes me laugh to this day.

Shoutout to Evan Rachel Wood and her most recent movie ‘Kajillionaire’. Watched it on demand about a month ago and it’s a brilliant comedy that will also pull at your heart. I highly recommend you give it a chance.

Check out the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiMPCevu8Wk

[cryingaggressively]

out of the mouth of babes (2/?)

Rated G, Gen with pre-Deckerstar

"Let's cut the chit-chat. Dad, you should just tell her how you feel about her."

Lucifer gave his daughter a sideways glance, then refocused on the road.

"I mean, I know you're complete shit with human interaction that requires opening up in any way, but don't you think it's time?"

"Quite contrary, I think I'm very much proficient at opening up other people's things." Her father, the brilliant conversationalist. Mature, useful contributions at all times.

"First of all, eww. Secondly, that wasn't even close to a good comeback. And thirdly, stop avoiding the topic  at hand."

Lucifer's grip on the steering wheel tightened, the knuckles of his fingers turning almost white.

"And what topic would that be, child?" It sounded like he was gritting his teeth together.

"That you're in love with Detective Decker and that you should tell her!"

They had reached the grocery store car park. Iris' dad pulled over into a spot and shut the engine off. His hands wandered to his knees, then, as if to steady himself, he grabbed onto the steering wheel again.

"Iris. I'm the Devil. I do not fall in love. With the detective nor with anybody else. That's a preposterous idea," he said flatly, staring straight ahead at the billboard in front of them.

She could not believe this. "Are you serious?"

"Quite serious, I assure you. Of course, I wouldn't mind if she and I did the dirty, but I suspect that is not the direction you were going with this."

His lecherous grin didn't reach his eyes and faded quickly. The fingers of his right hand were now rapidly drumming on the steering wheel.

Iris rubbed her temples, fighting off the headache she felt coming.

"I can't believe you. I love you, Dad, I really do -" at that, her father finally focused on her instead of the sign ahead that proclaimed 'Fresh strawberries, local produce, small price!' - "but that is complete bull and you know it."

The fond expression that had briefly appeared on his face when she'd told him she loved him was gone.

"Every time you call me, and I mean every time, you ask me how I am, how school is, blablabla. And when  I ask about you, the only thing on your mind is Detective Decker.

'Detective Decker is outstanding at her job, Detective Decker is such a kind person, Detective Decker laughed at one of my jokes today, Detective Decker single-handedly saved the world's unicorn population'. "

"I've never said anything like that last part," Lucifer huffed. She chose to ignore him.

"You go on and on about her.  And Dad, that's fine by me. If she is what you want to tell me about when we talk, by all means, do. But don't pretend you don't feel anything for her, " Iris continued.

Her father, for once in his life, looked almost flustered. "I do talk about her often, don't I."

"Yeah, you definitely do." Maybe she was making some headway.

His fingers stopped their incessant rhythm. In a resigned tone, he declared, "It would never work. Presuming she actually returned my..."

His voice trailed off. Ah, no headway then.

"Huge crush? Burning love? Frankly kind of creepy obsession with her person?" Iris supplied.

He snorted. "Now, don't exaggerate, darling."

Iris pulled her mobile out of her pocket, opened her text messages and scrolled down the chat with her dad until she found what she was looking for. A late-night (well, for her) message, months old. She practically shoved the phone at her father's face.

               You, 11:16 pm: went alright, I think I passed. anyway, what's so special about her, you tell me about her pretty often?

                Dad, 11:38 pm: that's good. well, I've never met anyone like the detective. she has the kindest, purest soul I've encountered in  

                                        all of my existence.        

Lucifer looked uncomfortable. "Looking back now, why did I write that? Rather soppy, if you ask me."

Iris pocketed her phone again. "Well, isn't it the truth? Point of pride, right?" Hah. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

Her father made a face as if he suffered from constipation. "Yes."

"Dad, that's something people would write in their wedding vows. The stuff of rom-coms," she said slowly, in a tone like she was explaining something to a toddler.

What she didn't mention was that killing someone to protect the person you love was a sign of pretty epic love. But he didn't need to be reminded of that particular event.

Lucifer opened and closed his hands rhythmically around the steering wheel, his eyes darting from side to side. It was fairly reminiscent of someone having a seizure. After a few moments, he started talking, voice uncertain.

"I, I couldn't just be with her for a longer time while she doesn't believe who I am. That doesn't seem... right."

She tucked her hands between her thighs.  The urge to face-palm was too strong to resist. The solution to his dilemma was so easy, wasn't it?

"Then make her believe. Show her your face. Your therapist got over it and from what you've told me about your lady-love, she's tough. She can handle it."

This whole conversation felt very surreal. To Iris, hardly anything ever seemed surreal. Her father was the goddamned devil. Literally. Her grandfather was God. She'd seen some pretty strange things in her short life.

But she had never seen her usually so suave, confident father so unsure.

Iris had her suspicions about the cause of this.

Her dad was as open with her as he could be, discussing his emotions fairly voluntarily, though peripherally.

By now, she had also gotten incredibly skilled at interpreting the things he said. Discarding his often ludicrous statements and recognizing the real sentiments they masked.

As a consequence, she knew a ton of things he didn't dare tell or show anyone else.

That Amenadiel's hatred against him, reciprocated as it was, did hurt, in a way. How deep Maze' betrayal had cut. That he wished  her grandma's supposed love was real.

The gigantic daddy and mummy issues he had and that he didn't consider himself a particularly good person.

Recently, that he hated himself for killing her uncle. That Dr. Martin's reaction to his face reaffirmed his doubts about himself, made him reconsider any vulnerability he showed.

"Yes, I'm sure she can handle it. The problem is... how she will handle it."

She was correct, then. And sad to boot.

Whatever he might believe, Iris knew her father was no bad person. Inappropriate, inconsiderate of most people's feelings, reckless, childish; sure. She had never known him to  intentionally harm someone who didn't deserve it, though.

How God had ever decided he deserved a life of eternal damnation mystified her.

As someone who had three loving parents, she could not imagine what it felt like to live your life believing that your parents didn't give a shit about you. But she knew that that screwed you up fundamentally. Exhibit A, her father, who believed, deep down, that he didn't deserve to be loved and who expected rejection everywhere he went.

And that made her so, so sad, and not only because those headcases he called parents somehow still had influence over his life and decisions.

But also because she knew from first-hand-experience how wonderful her father could be to the people he loved.

Every time he looked at her that fond, slightly exasperated way, every time he hugged her and kissed her temple, every time he tucked her blanket tighter around her when he thought she was asleep, she felt his love deep in her half-angelic bones.

(He'd even gotten better at telling her directly.)

So, no, Iris herself had never doubted that her father loved her. But she could see what damage it could do if you did. How it made you think that, if your parents didn't love you, no one ever could, because your true self was repulsive.  

No amount of 'I love you's from her had been able to fix that mess yet.

"I know you're afraid -" he started to protest, but she shushed him - "I know you're afraid she'll reject you. And that's a shitty scenario, I'll grant you. But imagine how happy you could be. If it all works out, I mean. And honestly, is it fair to her to let this suggestion of a relationship hang in the air, if you never plan to act on it? Dad, if you really, really can't do this - which, for the record, I know you can - then you have to let her go."

He was deadly still, staring transfixed into her eyes. "I don't want to do that. Let her go."

Iris smiled at him. "There's your answer, then."

His forehead made a rather comical sound on impact with the steering wheel.

"You know, I never imagined I'd say this, but I liked you better when you were smaller," he grumbled.

Iris laughed. "That's what Mum says when I can offer a plausible explanation for why I didn't tidy my room."

"I've always been convinced that your mother is an extraordinarily wise woman."

Oh yes, she was. This impromptu counseling she provided for her dad? Her mum did the same thing for everyone else. It was in her nature, caring and considerate as she was.

In her job as a doctor, that often came in handy. There had never been a complaint filed against her mother, as far as she knew; a rarity in her profession.  

"And right you are. Now, let's talk about the urgent matters at hand. Can we get cocoa puffs?"

Lifting his head, Lucifer smiled for the first time since leaving the station. His hands loosened their grip on the poor, abused steering wheel and slid to his thighs.

"You only love me for the food I provide you with, don't you?"

Iris wrinkled her forehead, returning his look and quipping, "Wow, you really are channeling Mum today."

Removing his keys from the ignition, her father laughed. "I am feeling rather parental today. It's peculiar. I wonder how that came to be."

Satisfied with the result of the talk and relieved her dad wasn't having a meltdown anymore, Iris left the car and skipped ahead to the store entrance.

Turning her head back towards him, she yelled, "Last one in has to do the dishes tonight!"

Apparently, an intercontinental flight and berating your father in a grocery store car par took a lot out of you. By the time Lucifer had packed away the groceries, Iris was asleep in her seat.

He took a good look at her. She seemed hardly changed from the last time he had seen her.

Her hair, inherited from him,  the poor child, was as unruly as ever, curls sticking every which way. But on her, he found, the hairdo seemed rather adorable.

Long lashes almost blocked his view on the dark rings under her eyes. He couldn't tell if they were a very recent addition or if they stemmed from the stress of school finals.

Lucifer was of the opinion that his daughter was rather lovely, but he had found most people thought that way of their offspring, even if the exact opposite was the case.

At that moment, Iris started snoring rather loudly. Right. Lovely.

He got into the Corvette and pulled away from the grocery store, heading home.

It was 3 pm. Quite enough time for Iris to take a nap before the detectives and their spawn showed up. More than enough if he didn't wake her up and just let her sleep till 6.

So when he reached Lux, he handed the valet his keys and instructed him to bring up the bags from the car after parking it. Lucifer then slid his arms under Iris' shoulders and knees, careful not to wake her up, and carried her towards the building.

One of his other employees (affectionately dubbed Man Bun by him and Maze), who'd coincidentally seen the procedure, was holding the door open.

His eyebrows were almost making contact with his hairline, eyes fixed on Iris. Man Bun opened his mouth, then closed it again, obviously struggling with the decision to speak up.

Lucifer could imagine where his thoughts were going, and he didn't appreciate it.

Well, actually, he was glad his employees questioned what went on in his club. As someone who advocated free will, Lucifer was quick to fire people who condoned harassment, and accepting of employees speaking their minds.

Man Bun seemed very much distrustful of a grown man carrying a previously unknown, apparently unconscious teenage girl up his penthouse apartment. And ready to intervene in the interest of said girl, even it could cost him his job. That, he approved of.

What he didn't approve of was the repulsive assumption that he was going to do anything to a defenceless girl. He supposed he could not blame Man Bun, though.

"This is my daughter Iris. Jet lag," he therefore simply said. Man Bun (what was his real name?), walking beside him to the lift, greatly relaxed.

"Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter?" he said casually, the unspoken question standing in the room.

"She lives in England with her mother, most of the time," Lucifer explained. Man Bun pressed the 'up'-button.

"I didn't notice before, but she looks like you," he observed.

"She does, lucky girl. Hit the genetic jackpot," Lucifer replied.

Man Bun grinned.

Thankfully, the lift didn't take much longer to arrive. He really wasn't interested in more of this inane small talk.

He stepped in, Man Bun pressed the penthouse button and left.

Arrived upstairs, Lucifer laid his daughter down on the bed in the guest room, took her shoes off and tucked the duvet around her, then closed the door behind him as silently as possible.

[artificialqueens]

New Man Pt. 2 - Fucking Awful.

A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR KIND FEEDBACK! I am so appreciative that you took the time to read Part 1 of “New Man” and glad to hear you enjoyed it. You all make my little Grinch heart grow 10 sizes.

Here is Part 2 – I know I promised fluff and happiness, but the story took me in a different direction for this chapter. That said, this is Part 2/?? and if you bear with my I promise to take you to the Promised Land of kisses and glitter. Darkness before the dawn, right? 

A good chunk of this is flashback/Roy recounting how we got here, so not as much forward movement as background. Hope you don’t mind some heavy-handed exposition…

Last 2 things – I’m seeing what happens if I switch into Roy’s POV, because I like the narrative structure flipping back and forth between the 2. Would love to get feedback on that, and happy to adapt the structure to one POV or the other if you have strong feelings. AND THIS IS A LONG ONE, sorry if 3K words is brutal.

Thanks for readying, y’all are the real MVPs.

This was going really fucking great.

That was the only thing running through Roy’s mind as he felt Danny smile underneath his kiss. In the 4 hours he’d been in Seattle he thought he had totally screwed up his plan, but somehow things had gotten back on track. Clearly this was meant to –

And then Danny broke away. Suddenly, roughly. Ripping is lips away and pushing off with surprising force. Roy stumbled back a few paces as both men caught their breath.

“No. This is…you’re…no.” Danny picked up the lighter he’d dropped in the heat of the moment, still muttering to himself just low enough that Roy couldn’t hear. Then he grabbed Roy by the forearm and dragged him back into the bar – again, sudden and rough. Roy couldn’t help but giggle just a tiny bit, thinking how ridiculous Danny must look hauling a 40-year-old man off like a misbehaving toddler.

“This isn’t funny, man. What was…ugh!” Throwing his hands off dramatically, Danny let go and continued back to their friends. Shit, the kid was really frustrated and probably even a little mad. Roy steeled himself from the drunken giggles, rejoining the table a few seconds behind.

He was thankful that the crew didn’t acknowledge anything that had just happened – the benefit of drunk friends, amiright? Roy eased back into the group conversation, light chatter about who totally saw the ending coming on Westworld or what memes would make the best protest t-shirts. He took every opportunity to steal an unnoticed look at Danny, who was half participating in the discussion and half furiously clicking at his phone. In his cross-faded fog, Roy couldn’t tell what the kid was doing. Grindr? Writing a novel? Playing Bejeweled – that was still a thing, right?

His stealth staring mission was clearly a failure, though, evidenced by the sharp kick of Jinkx’s boot on his shin.

“OH what the fuck Jinkx?!” Curiosity became shooting pain as Roy clutched for his leg underneath the table.

“Sorry Roy, clumsy as ever! Let me grab you a drink, dull the pain. Come with me to the bar?” The redhead emphasized the last request with Uzo Aduba-level crazy eyes. This was not a request, and while Jinkx didn’t intimidate Roy he was too fuzzy to fight.

“Sure, queen. Somebody has to make sure you don’t drop the booze.” Oof, his snapbacks were weak tonight. The two left the table and headed to see Todd at the bar.

“I’ll take a –“

“Oh no, you’ll have a water. Todd, water for Bianca del Drunko. I’ll take a few shots of Jack for the table, and Ginger backs.” Roy pouted and raised an eyebrow, sorting through his Rolodex of Hate for a quippy insult about ginger and redheads and minj, but finding his speed dulled a bit by the smoke and alcohol.

Jinkx turned back to him. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now but get it together. Jesus, del Rio, you’re supposed to be the mature one. The rest of us get to fuck things up. Just drink your water and mellow out for a minute.” The redhead knew about Roy’s plan, his oh-so-secret plan to use this weekend to woo Danny, and could tell he was putting it at risk.

“Alright, alright Jinkx. Don’t get so worked up you fall asleep on me.”

The joke fell flat. “You can do better than that.”

“Damn straight I can. You –“

For what had to be the millionth time that night, Roy was interrupted. This time by his phone, pinging with a text – from Danny. Roy looked over to the table to see what was going on, but all he saw was the kid deep in conversation and finally ignoring his phone. Roy swiped to open…

Danny: What the hell, Roy? I know we haven’t gotten to see much of each other since I moved up here, but something is different about you and it’s really fucked. You’ve been acting like a bit of a cunt the last few weeks, you hardly call me or Shane or even your mom anymore, and now you’re here doing everything you can to cheat on your boyfriend? With strangers, with me…This isn’t you, and if it is then I’m not sure I know you anymore.

Roy scanned the text eight more times before throwing his phone down on the bar. Jinkx didn’t flinch, too occupied flirting with one of the cute bartenders. Seizing the moment, Roy grabbed the three shots of Jack the guy had poured and knocked them back in quick succession. It wasn’t until the slam of the last shot glass onto the bar that the redhead looked up, just in time to see Roy storming for the exit.

As he stood out on the curb, trying desperately to get an Uber with his now smashed up phone, there was only one thing running through Roy’s mind:

This was going really fucking awful.

—

Roy woke up suddenly, eyes snapping open to his unfamiliar hotel room lit by dawn creeping through haphazardly closed curtains. He rolled over to look at the clock – 5:12am. It figures, Roy was never one to sleep off a night of drinking. While most people spent the next day wrapped in blankets and sleeping like a rock until at least 11am, he always seemed to be yanked out of slumber after only a few hours of restless shut-eye. Sometime between 5am and 6am he would be awake, mind reeling and trying unsuccessfully to will himself back to sleep until the headache went away.

This morning was no different – only the pain was so, so much worse. Sure, he used three shots of whiskey to put an exclamation mark on a night of heavy drinking, but the pain that was nagging him most was emotional. Roy grabbed for his phone – oh right, it was smashed to shit by angry Bianca last night – and re-read Danny’s text. He was hit by a sudden wave of nausea, a feeling that made him want to cry as it made him want to vomit. He grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar, charge be damned, and chugged the whole thing has he tried to figure out how the hell he had screwed this up so badly.

—

His plan was never *simple*, but that wouldn’t be Roy’s style. As Bob had frequently told him, he was a “lover of complexity” and couldn’t help himself. The plan to woo Danny was no different.

To say he cooked this up when he caught Sky sleeping with one of his personal training clients 2 weeks ago was only half right. Roy had actually planned to spend the three months off between the US and UK legs of Not Today Satan to finally make a play for Danny, but bitch moved to Seattle before he could make any of the many grand gestures he’d cooked up. In the first few weeks after Danny left, when the kid’s social media had been flooded with posts about how much he loved Seattle and the people, Roy hit a real low point. Jealous, exhausted, and feeling quite sorry for himself, he met Sky in a bar and hooked up with him a few times before falling into an effortless relationship.

Effortless not in the good sense of the word, though; effortless in the sense that Roy put in literally no effort, and didn’t care to make it work. The guy was named SKY after all – Roy could barely believe he’d been able to fuck a guy named Sky for 2 whole months, but he supposed the abs helped. Sky was just a nice distraction, a pretty shiny toy to brag about when he needed to overcompensate in conversations with Danny and Shane…which had quickly become all the time. He learned a hot, rich boyfriend is a great way to deflect questions about himself or his wellbeing. The new man, combined with dialing the bitchiness up to 11, was like armor; helpful in denying to himself and the outside world that he was not in a good place.

But when Roy walked in on Sky with his 2pm-Tuesdays balls deep in his ass, he resolved that even in his lowest moments he had the self-respect not to date a cheater. So he cut if off with Sky and 20 minutes later booked a 2 week trip to Seattle. Time to put the Noriega-Haylock plan back in action, for the thousandth time in 4 years.

This time, Roy would show Danny how perfect and the right kind of effortless they could be. He would breeze into town – but let’s be real, Roy never breezes – and seamlessly integrate himself into the Seattle version of Danny’s life. He would meet the new friends, support him at all his local shows, become a member at the EMP…hell he’d even buy a few flannels and a beanie. At the same time, Roy would make his feelings for Danny abundantly clear. He was confident that Danny reciprocated them; he knew it in his heart, but he also knew because Danny had told him on more than one occasion. Three times over the course of their friendship Danny had been the fearless one and professed his love for Roy. Ok, so maybe fearless is the wrong word – the drunk and cross-faded one may be a more apt description – but the point was that Roy knew Danny wanted this as much as he did. He felt it in his soul, his mind, every fiber of his body. Now it was time to make it real.

After booking the flights, he called Dela to layout his plan. He knew he needed a confidante in this, and it wouldn’t be fair to Shane to put him in the middle of this.

“B, I’m really glad you’re finally taking the plunge with Danny. It’s been too long coming. But you realize you have 2 big problems, right?” Ben was his always-enthusiastic self, but had some concerns. “You still aren’t solving the long-distance and time problem you’ve always been worried about.”

“We’ll find a way to work through it. I have to stop using that as an excuse to not give this a chance.”

“Very big of you, and I agree. But, uh, the second thing – don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Well, funny story – no. That was always a waste of my time – c’mon, his name was SKY – and I caught him getting fucked by a bear about an hour ago.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry! Are you ok? Are you alone?” Ben launched into caregiver mode, instantly making Roy uncomfortable.

“No, Ben I’m really fine. It was not –“

“I know Michelle’s in town, she’s always my breakup guru, maybe you should –“

Fuck. Roy realized a major problem. If he announced to his friends (and social media, shit) that he and his new man had broken up, his life would become an endless barrage of sympathy. Everything he’d done to ward off questions about the bags under his tired eyes, the increasingly infrequent and short calls to friends and family, and the mess in his usually tidy life would crumble. Roy couldn’t have that – he was fine, he was the caretaker for everyone else, and he couldn’t stand people to fuss over his well-being.

It was in that moment that he made the decision that made the plan *complex* - “Ben, stop. I’m fine, really I’m ok. Peachy fucking keen. But can I ask one favor of you? One tiny thing and I’ll name my next dog after you?”

“Anything, dear.”

“Do not – and I repeat, do NOT – tell anyone that Sky and I broke up.”

“What?” Ben was confused, understandably.

“I don’t want to deal with all of these conversations about it, and the only person who really needs to know right now is Danny. I’ll tell him in person when I’m in Seattle, please just keep quiet about it until then.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best…”

“Please, Dela. Just let me do this my way?”

After a long pause – “Ok, alright, sure. Let me go on record saying I don’t think that’s a healthy way to handle this.”

“Dually noted, Judge Judy. Thank you, I appreciate it.” Roy hung up with Dela and began crafting his “casual” message to Danny to tell him he’d be in town. Mid-way through the 5th round of editing, his phone rang: Jinkx.

“Hey Jinkx, can I call you back I –“

“Are you an idiot? I mean really, are the blonde wigs affecting your brain?” Jinkx steamrolled him.

“Excuse me?” “Dela is on with me – I know what you’re coming to Seattle to do –“

“Well now it’s to come cut up that bitch Dela’s wigs. I asked you one thing, you little fruit fly –“ “Sorry Roy, I –“

“Don’t apologize, Ben. He was right to tell me, he’s going to be out of town when you get here and someone has to help you not screw this up. I know we can’t talk you out of it, but at least let us try to support you. This is big risk, big reward, and it could – you’re going to need wing-people.”

Roy knew there was no point in fighting. As good natured as Jinkx was, bitch was aggressive. If we wanted to help, goddammit he was going to help. With a sigh – “Ok, you’re in on this. Great. But please let me handle this they way I want to – I need to. Danny and I are endgame to a long, long story and I have to do this the way I feel is right. If this gets out beyond the two of you, I will call Darienne and Roxxxy so that those shady elephants can trample you. Is that clear?”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Jinkx scoffed.

Ben soothed. “What Jinkx means to say, Roy, is we are here for you and support you. We are so happy you’re finally going after what we’ve all seen for years.”

“Yes, all that.” Jinkx reassured. “And I promise I won’t let you fuck it up.”

Roy laughed. “Gee, thanks.” Now, with less sarcasm – “I do actually appreciate it. But I think I got this.”

It was Jinkx’s turn for sarcasm. “Uh huh, sure.”

—

It did not bring Roy any joy to have proven Jinkx right. Again, he felt nauseous.

He had basically blown his chance with Danny on the first night but if he was being honest the mistakes started long before. The sexting. See, Roy refused to tell anyone else – not Shane, not Detox, nobody – about his breakup with Sky. That meant a lot of nights alone before his trip to Seattle, pretending to be busy to avoid having to be avoidant. That also meant a lot of solo wine nights, which somehow quickly devolved into sending dirty texts – so, so many dirty texts – to Danny. Now that he was committing to his pursuit, the fact that his every sexual fantasy had the same male lead was not something Drunk Roy felt the need to hide. At some point every night, his filter would disappear and he’d send Danny a (he thought) beautifully written description of the patterns he wanted to draw across his body with his tongue, the ways in which he wanted to tie up and be tied, the rhythms he wanted to pound into him, etc.

That Danny did not respond to these texts or bring them up in their regular conversations was a little confusing to Roy, but he was glad for it. He figured Danny just read them when he was equally pissed drunk – he knew he deleted messages as he read them – and forgot about it. At least that’s what he hoped, so that there could be some element of surprise in his plan. But seeing Danny’s reaction to the kiss and everything after, Roy understood he was wrong. It seemed like Danny was actually mad about it – not a reaction he had expected.

And then there was the bar – for that, Roy couldn’t muster an explanation or an excuse. He knew that he did this. During times of high anxiety and stress, Roy makes terrible decisions when he drinks. He tried for years to understand how or why, but for some reason worry plus whiskey turns him into a bad idea machine. This wasn’t the first time the same combination ended with him lip-locked (or worse) with a stranger that he later regretted. He should’ve just kept it low-key last night, not drinking much if at all so that he could play it cool with Danny. But nerves got the best of Roy, and from the moment he got on the plane he’d been building a buzz. By the time he got to the bar he was browning out, and he barely remembered how he ended up cuddled up with this random guy.

It wasn’t until Danny started singing that damn song that Roy realized what was going on. Immediately he was horrified – it looked like he was cheating on his boyfriend. Not only did he ignore the love of his life when he had flown to Seattle to see him, but he also appeared to be committing Danny’s #1 cardinal unforgivable sin. He immediately stood up and left the stranger’s table, and rejoined his so-called friends – What the fuck, why didn’t Jinkx stop him? What kind of wing-person was that? Roy sat for a few minutes, half seething and half feeling like he was actually going to die of embarrassment and sadness. When he saw Danny get up to leave, he jumped at the chance to catch him outside and apologize.

And yet – again, with the good ideas from Drunk Roy – instead of apologizing he found himself aggressively accosting Danny before going in for the kiss he’d dreamed about for years. And for just a few seconds, Roy thought everything was going to be ok. He thought that despite all his mistakes today, the last two weeks, the last few years…he thought he’d finally gotten it right. But we all saw how that ended…

—

Finished with a second bottle of water now, Roy emerged from his self reflective daze. He stared at the text from Danny hoping against all hope that he would feel better and last night could be erased and that he could save him and Danny. But when he looked down at the message for the thousandth time, he had to choke back searing tears.

I’m not sure I know you anymore.

“Sometimes I don’t think I know me anymore either, kid.” He muttered. He rifled through is bag to find some Benadryl – the only way he can sleep some days – and popped two of the pink pills before rolling back to bed. “But I’ll make this right. God and Joan Rivers help me, we’re gonna do this.”

Roy couldn’t fix anything now, so at least he could try to sleep.  

—

[End of Part 2]

[maritzaerwin]

10 Things to Keep in Mind When Balancing Parenting and Your Career

A mid-life crisis can be simply summed up in one sentence – “I don’t know you anymore!“. It’s funny how love birds who’ve been together for the past decade or two will one day wake up and see a stranger by their bedside. Some psychologists the likes of Carl Jung – the one who first ‘discovered’ the ordeal terms it as “a normal process in the maturity journey.” But the problem is deeply rooted than what it appears at the surface.

Couples and parents coming for advice usually seek a cure before realizing the root of the illness. There is no way under the sun you will one day wake up and hate someone you have loved for all that time. This becomes tricky to realize especially when parenting comes in the picture. Since the parents’ attention is shifted to family, work and self, it becomes a slippery slope and thus they usually don’t see the gap forming; until it’s too late to mend what is broken.

See, working and parenting go hand-in-hand in our current generation. The Center for American Progress surveyed close to half of the working populace to be women. Gone are the days when women would comfortably seat at home raising kids and ‘taking care of the house’.

High living costs have brought about the need for double paychecks to survive the hard economic pressures. Even the top mom of the day is looking for a second job – a side hustle – as a parenting plan to sustain the family. But all these came into the picture and balancing parenting flew off the window and became a foreign concept.

But how did it all start?

A Short History of Parenting Women in Employment

Back in 1862, Virginia Penny started a women liberation movement that would be the hallmark of the 20th-Century. She started by conducting a national survey carrying out one-on-one interviews and researching on the various challenges women go through in employment. She finalized her results when she published the book, ‘How women can make money married or single, in all branches of the arts and sciences, professions, trades, agricultural and mechanical pursuits.’

Her list comprised of more than 500 different jobs. The book’s rights were sold and other versions of the same book published and it simply revved the job industry at the time. Women were deprived of access to higher education making it impossible for them to get well-salaried jobs. Cambridge University only came to validate women’s degrees later on in 1947.

It was World War I and World War II that brought the massive awakening. Long story short, men were sent to war – able-bodied men who used to work in industries. Parenting responsibilities started experiencing a diverse shift from this period. Without men to keep the industries running and provide for their homes, women had to take the challenge head-on. They ended up making the very military clothes that their men wore for battle. At the end of the day, men came back and found the tables turned. They experienced joblessness for the first time as women were thriving as the breadwinners.

This, of course, did not come without challenges. Currently, we have women achieving more degrees, masters and doctorate certificates than men, according to a recent study by Catalyst. We also have the highest number of single families, divorcees, and breakups in the history of families. So, how do balancing work and parenting come in light of all this?

Understanding the Basics of Parenting

If you were lucky enough to walk down the aisle, then the ‘until death do us part’ should still be fresh in your mind. When one begins parenting responsibilities, one thing becomes very clear: “the end is what will justify the means.”

Let’s dig deeper into that to paint a clearer picture. See, you have to understand what the end goal is when looking for positive parenting solutions to balancing career and family. If your end goal is to make lots and lots of money and think your family will be happier this way, then this isn’t the right article for you – it would be better for you if you stopped right here.

If your aim, on the other hand, is to be more present in your family, share all the memories, see your kids grow up, keep the fire burning between you and your mate while still making both ends meet, well, hello there!

Once you have established that your family is your top-most priority before your job, and you also understand that you also need the job to sustain your family, you will make decisions that won’t leave you with the guilty-feeling.

We have all been there, so take these pieces of advice from our experience and those of other top moms. We’ve got your back and we hope the following list will lead you towards positive parenting and still leave your boss satisfied.

1) Priorities! Priorities! Prioritize!

Richie Norton had this famous quote that found its way in the books of several novelists, “You need to make it a top priority to continually make your priorities a priority!” Wow, simple and sophisticated, isn’t it?

That was the first point which we talked about earlier – you have to discover what matters most to you. This includes prioritizing at work, around social circles and events and even at home. For instance, do you need to do laundry every single day or can you set aside a single day for that? Those extra chit-chats you have at the office, can you do that over lunch and get the work done or is gossip time a crucial part of your day? Is it possible to spend more time working at home or will the kids make it utterly uninhabitable for you?

The important thing to understand with setting your priorities straight is that some things will always outweigh others. You might be so stressed up about meeting your deadline that you miss out on the very first time your little bundle of joy makes the first steps. Remember they won’t walk for the first time twice, and what more will you miss if that wasn’t important enough? It’s not a guilt trip, just facts.

2) See Ahead of Time

This is the perfect time to act shrewdly than ever before. You have to look beyond the 5yrs when your kids will be toddlers and even beyond the 15 years before teenage-hood kicks in with a stump. Big people make big moves – you are ‘big people’! It is obvious knowledge that the higher up in the food chain you are, the more luxuriant and capable you will be.

You should be making moves to progress in your career path as early as now. Sacrifice even if it means taking online lessons for an MBA and take those opportunities presented at the workplace. If you decide to study at home, you could do it when the kids themselves are engrossed in their homework. Make sure they understand the value of what you are doing – they might not see the reasoning and meaning right there and then, but the best parenting books will tell you actions will always prevail over words. In the end, they will also learn to value what they do.

3) The Team Spirit

The biggest lie women in America and other parts of the globe have embraced is that being an ‘independent lady’ means they will not rely on any other person. They end up carrying the weight of the whole world on their shoulders which ends up in sicknesses such as depression and even cancer.

You need to embrace the spirit of teamwork. In fact, your ability to embrace help from others just goes to show how strong you are. So, if anyone offers to help you: be it a family member, your hired nanny or even your partner, just show them how grateful you are and appreciate the efforts. They’ll be more willing to work next time.

4) Don’t Fail to Plan

Now here’s where even the smartest of women and even men at times trip. It is impossible to begin any project without laying out plans because it will fail. The same goes for marriage, responsible parenting and even work. Planning is key and we can’t tell you how to plan yourself since you know your schedule best.

Nonetheless, here are a few tips and points to bring you into the limelight:

Have a calendar planner where you list all the expected activities. This can be hung on the door of the fridge or somewhere the kids can also access and include their special events too. You’d hate to miss that coming Talents Show at your kid’s school.

Review the coming week’s plans as the week begins, probably on Sunday night as a family, and update it if necessary.

Don’t carry out all the activities in the morning as you will be overwhelmed before work. If there are some things you can do before going to sleep – like packing the kids’ lunch, ironing their clothes and the likes, do them then.

Planning also involves setting time aside to reflect together as a family – it does help.

5) Be Present

This works both ways, whether at work, studying or at home. If it’s time for family, turn off the gadgets. Authoritative parenting may demand this rule to be applied including other strict measures to encourage discipline. It would be better if you led by example and be the role model.

Being present simply means you are keen enough to notice how your son’s moods have changed of late, notice the glow in your daughter as though she got her first secret kiss, and realize the furrows forming on your husband’s face due to stress and the likes. These are the opportune moments to organize those fun family activities and make the best of them. You also get to understand your kids better during such times.

Being present at work is simple, do what you are supposed to do and get out of the office when that’s done. You’ll be surprised at how much time you’ll save by just being there in the moment.

Remember what we talked about mid-life crisis, it begins when you are ‘absent’ even when you are present. Then the withdrawal becomes mutual and the couple no longer notices each other. This is why you should read on the next point.

6) Reciprocity Rule

You have heard it being said, ‘do unto others as you will have them do unto you.’ This is essentially the motto for permissive parenting which rarely works out for them because they end up giving their kids ‘poison’ in the name of unregulated freedom.

But the motto still holds: if you want your partner to show you more love, start by doing the same. If you want your kids to be more open to you, open up to them and give them room to air their thoughts. If you want your lover to be more present, be MORE present. We cannot emphasize this enough.

7) Self-Love

It is impossible to show love to someone else without first loving yourself. This basic parenting principle will see you being the happiest parent with zero guilt – okay, let’s say 0.99% guilt for those times you treat yourself like crazy. The human brain operates at maximum capacity when it has been given time to ‘reboot‘.

This simply means you also need time to treat yourself without anyone interfering. This could be through immersing yourself in the best books, doing a bubble bath for hours with a glass of wine, swimming or a gym session or whatever it is you do to make you less cranky. Be good to yourself and you’ll feel so good that it’ll be a down-hill ride being good to the rest.

8) Managing Tricks

A top mom knows that positive parenting solutions involve shrewd managing techniques. You might not be so lucky to land yourself a job that gives you all the time you need at home with 6-figures. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean you have to be absent from your kid’s life. Technology has made it a practical possibility to be there even when you aren’t. Gone are the payphone and landline days when mobile phones and Wi-Fi were akin to Venus and Pluto.

Make frequent checkups back home and know their progress. Sing a silly song to that charming kiddo till you see that smile that makes you brighten up. You’ll get all the energy to finish your day even when everything seems to be going south. Just make sure you aren’t being a bother at work with all that love bursting from you.

9) Throw Better Punches

Take it easy, we don’t advocate violence here. Just telling you to make better moves!

If you can wisely approach the HR department or your supervisor to revise your terms, approach them strategically. It would help to know whether other team members have been given similar offers.

You could also present them better offers like FlexMatch which gives them the tech to allow you to work from home. Make sure you aren’t being emotional about this, even though you are, but rather show them how it’ll increase efficiency even for them and let the dominos fall.

10) Be Real

You’ve heard all about setting SMART goals, but are you doing that? If you aim for the milky galaxy and land on the moon, it might wreck you. This is especially so with the overwhelming perfectionists on social media who make you think your life is the most miserable of all.

Don’t make comparisons – you’ll never be them and they won’t come close to being you. SO, be as real to yourself as you can be and if possible, start considering plans to work for yourself or find a freelancing gig.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, you shouldn’t end up judging yourself or being guilty. We do understand that work can overwhelm you at times and even miss out on some important occasions. But always aim to make the best of every moment and give yourself fully to your family.

Remember all that work is for your family, therefore, learn how to balance parenting and career. What have you been neglecting so far, family or career? What amends are you planning to make?

Share your insights on the comment section below.

  The post 10 Things to Keep in Mind When Balancing Parenting and Your Career appeared first on CareerMetis.com.

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[thecloudlight-blog]

New Post has been published on Cloudlight

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Prison break: Drama adds life for inmates at Puzhal prison

CHENNAI: When the curtain falls, for the actors right here it is always again to lifestyles within prison partitions, and yet, says theater artist Anis Abbas, who has been taking drama instructions for lifers at Puzhal jail for some months now, this is his “happiest bunch of students”. “I can feel the power, the existence, the anticipation, whenever I input the magnificence. It’s like they have got been waiting all week for the session. They inform me it’s because play-acting takes them to an extraordinary global, a happier international, despite the fact that it’s miles just for an hour once every week,” says Abbas, who is coaching his 2nd batch of inmates, getting them prepared for a performance in the direction of the stop of the year. The lifers executed their first play

Modeled on the concept of clown theater – a couple of months ago, with actor Nasser being referred to as into Puzhal as the chief guest. “It became a massive enhance for the prisoners’ morale. Some of the people I met right here have been dwelling inside jail walls for greater than two decades,” says Abbas, who’s an actor with Tamil drama troupe Koothupattarai, in addition to a film director. “When I commenced doing theater workshops at Puzhal, I had dreams of doing the play ‘Spartacus’ with them because I concept the tale of the Greek slave/gladiator might be inspirational. But they advised me they didn’t want to do something that becomes ‘unhappy’. They wanted to do something that could lead them to and their audiences chortle,” says Abbas, which is why the director wrote an entirely new script for them titled ‘What is laughter?’ “As the identity shows, from starting to quit it became just about laughter,” he says.

Break the Comfort Food Stress Cycle

You cannot provide an explanation for it, but you recognize that once in a while you should have that bowl of ice cream, extra-big pizza, chocolate bonbons, the bowl of mashed potatoes or half of pound of bacon and eggs fried in butter. Aside from these occasions, you typically do an amazing activity of handling your food plan and if most effective you could decrease your cravings, you’ll be capable of taking off that more layer of weight. The problem is that ingesting those meals feels so precise which you cannot imagine giving them up.

That yearning for meals heavy in sugar and fats can also harken back to prehistoric instances,

While people were exposed to short-time period physical threats that evoked a sturdy pressure-reaction. The frame became flooded with cortisol to assist control the pressure, and indicators have been despatched to the mind ordering up emergency meals supplies. This reaction to flight or combat situations helped humans to survive whilst marauding mastodons or an unruly tribe threatened their lives. The heightened hormone stages and alert alerts stay in your body for up to 20-four hours after a pressure occasion.

Fortunately, you are not usually confronted with such lifestyles or loss of life traumatic conditions,

And you’ve ready get admission to food every time you want it. Unfortunately, there may be some other vital manner that your existence differs out of your prehistoric ancestors. That is the sustained pressure from navigating modern lifestyles. You might also face many small stresses each day, along with averting a swerving vehicle on the manner to work, an overbearing boss, impolite customers, error-inclined co-people, overloaded transit structures and greater. Each of these stimulates the pressure-response and elevates cortisol and other hormones. Since they arise each day, the twenty-four-hour duration never expires and the reaction mode remains in effect.

When your frame shops fact, it alerts to the brain that the body has handled the urgency of the scenario by way of preparing for the future and the brain signals for all systems to loosen up. This explains why you feel so right after ingesting comfort meals. The sugar from the donuts is unexpectedly transformed to fat stores, your body relaxes from its stressed state and also your sense rewarded for having consumed the meals. The greater common these craving activities, the more likely you’ll warfare to keep a wholesome weight, aside from increasing the threat of different fitness troubles that end result from overeating sugar and gaining an excessive amount of weight.

Inmate Jail Search – Finding Inmates Made Easy

Do you’ve got a friend or member of the family that you have lost contact with? Is there a possibility that he/she may be sporting black and white stripes or running on a chain gang? Do you recognize of an inmate that turned into transported to another facility? Using the net to locate that unique inmate on your existence is as clean as ordering a Hot Apple Pie from McDonald’s.

When obtaining approximately the area of an inmate it’s far nice to use your preferred seek engine.

Use keywords, inclusive of the kingdom or country. Unless the inmate is sent to jail they will generally be incarcerated inside the identical county that the crime turned into dedicated. If the inmate is dispatched to prison you’ll want to apply your search engine to locate the perfect facility by looking at the Department of Corrections through the kingdom. Looking up inmates is a reasonably simple manner. You are probably trying to find a person who changed into charged and committed for a crime in opposition to you or your own family.

On many activities, you’re allowed to look the inmates predicted launch date.

This way you may put together for the inmate’s launch so that you may remain secure and secure in your lifestyles. It is vital that you use all sources provided to you. You will also be able to appearance up to the inmate’s charges and notice if the inmate has been in hassle considering being incarcerated. Once you have determined the inmate’s location you may have access to the guidelines of the facility in which he/she is incarcerated. Inmate visitation is listed, although you have to recognize the policies for traveling. The guidelines for each facility are different. So you must not anticipate which you know the guidelines.

Always search the facility’s website to find all the facts you’ll want. Say you need to find an inmate to write to. There are masses of Inmate Pen Pal websites on the way to let you search inmates that you may write to. The bottom line is, whilst searching for an inmate, all you need is a laptop with internet gets admission to. Thousands of websites are to be had and maximum are loose. Remember, inmate charges are public record. You have the proper to know. Good Luck on your search and satisfied searching.

Effective Prison Evangelism

There is a desperate need for effective evangelism in our jails and prisons these days, but, maximum of the strategies employed with the aid of concerned Christians are surely inefficient. This remark is based on private revel in received whilst serving a phase of time in all the past five many years. My reason isn’t to debunk, or discourage, modern-day ministry efforts however honestly to indicate greater green ministry strategies.

Most ministry efforts seem to consciousness at the literature or visitation approach.

Both these methods may be effective if carried out efficiently. Unfortunately although, most of the ministries energetic nowadays appoint a shotgun technique, in an try and reach the unconverted hundreds, when they need to be the use of the rifle technique and listen to their efforts on man or woman targets.

Each year tons of Christian literature floods the jail systems at some stage in this us of a. Most of this literature takes the form of inexpensive Bibles, salvation oriented observe publications, tracts and private tales. Most of this literature is dumped in the Chaplain’s lap for distribution or exceeded out by means of journeying organizations who present applications. Chaplains are commonly beaten by using the amount of unsolicited literature sent so it ends up in a storeroom to accumulate dust. Literature surpassed out by visiting ministries typically ends up decorating the chapel lawn after the meeting adjourns. Needless to mention, this is negative stewardship of the funds donated for prison or prison ministry.

Within our institutions, right now

There are Christian inmates who are serious about reading the Word of God. Sadly though, there’s little or no literature available to them which goes past the toddler tiers of on secular growth. There is an abundance of simple, salvation oriented look at guides, representing just about each denomination, however, very little facts which teach mature Christian standards relative to a jail existence. Without insight, new believers continue to be babes in Christ or they are led into fake doctrines and cultism.

Christian inmates are in need of reference Bibles, person look at courses, reference books and commentaries however the want is just not being met. Too many “prison ministries” are focused on the quantity of non-believers they are able to declare their ministry brought about the Lord rather then targeting instructing inmates who’ve already made a profession of faith. A properly knowledgeable, Christian inmate is the most powerful tool to be had to transform the general prison populace yet their education is frequently left out. A ministry beyond the jail partitions cannot compete with a Christian inmate who can walk the walk and talk the talk.